


Food Porn.  Literally.

by squidgie



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-17
Updated: 2014-04-17
Packaged: 2018-01-19 18:38:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1479931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squidgie/pseuds/squidgie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Margarita said something that triggered me to write John and Rodney as food porn.  Literal food porn.  ::sigh::</p>
            </blockquote>





	Food Porn.  Literally.

**Author's Note:**

> If it was unclear, John (as a cheese curd) and Rodney (as a slice of potato) were joined with some brown gravy, to become poutine - the delicious Canadian treat. Yes, I'm a weirdo.

Rodney pops into existence as the giant vessel he's been literally baking in is pulled from the heat.  He's not sure why, but it just seems foreign; Heat feels wrong, and his corporeal being longs for something much cooler.  As he's jostled about, he catches a view out a shiny portal to where the sky is turning darker, and something that looks quite cooler - a white, fluffy substance is flitting against the windowsill.

Suddenly there's a noise, and something above him screams; it's yellow, and has the boniest looking backside that Rodney's ever seen in his short existence - and it screams until it lands, face first into what would be Rodney's crotch area - if he had such a thing.  "Jesus Christ," comes the uttering from down below, and Rodney dares to look down as the yellowish-orange thing with the bony butt finally settles at his side.

"What the hell was that all about?" Rodney asks.

"Oh I don't know...  How 'bout  _you_  come into existence just as you're being flung out of a container, fly through the air, and land onto a hot tray of...  What are you again?"  Before Rodney can respond, the fluffy-topped cheese curd goes, "I'm John, by the way."

This is where Rodney would just out his chin, if he had one.  "Rodney.  And I'm a potato, thank you very much."  After a bashful pause, he asks, "And are you calling me hot?"

Before John can respond, the whole tray is shaken, then picked up, where he, Rodney, and their brethren are all unceremoniously dumped into a warmed ceramic bowl.

John takes advantage of where he lands, scooting up next to Rodney.  "Well hello there," he says.

"God, you feel good," Rodney says, as the thinner parts of John start to melt, oozing all across Rodney's being.  "So, hot..."

"You like that?" John asks, oozing out a bit more of himself, coating Rodney liberally.  He takes advantage of their situation and glides down Rodney's body, making Rodney shudder in ecstasy. 

"God John, yeah.  Keep going..." Rodney says as John does magical things to his crisp exterior.   "Wait, what is that?" he asks as a shadow looms over them both, a ladle scooping out a dark brown liquid and hovering over them for just a second.

"Been nice knowing you, buddy," John says, then lets go of everything, squeezing onto Rodney with all his might.

Just as the first drops of piping hot, gelatinous fluid drop around them, Rodney manages, "I'll never forget you, John."

And with the spillage of the rest of the dark gravy, John and Rodney pop out of existence, the last memory being the short embrace that they shared.

~*~*~

*DING* *DING* *DING*  "Order up!"  The short order cook calls.  "Where is that damned waitress again?"


End file.
